This is What You're Cooking With!
by wingweaver84
Summary: After a contest with France that results in a tie,Freya is forced to eat a meal cooked by England. While in his kitchen,she discovers what could possibly be hindering his culinary abilities. OC in Hetalia universe.


This is What You're Cooking With?!

A/N My first (complete)Hetalia fanfiction. Freya is an OC who is kind of based on me,but not completely. She appeared in the universe during "HetaOni" and has remained there since. There are other characters of mine that may appear in other stories,but for now,this will do. Freya belongs to me,Hetalia belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya and Funimation. Enjoy!

* * *

Freya sobbed as she stood at the doors of England's house. As she waited she cursed France for all that she was worth,and thanked God that she had no French blood in her whatsoever. The images of the previous night caused her blood to boil.

_It was the night that she was invited to a party at the local bowling alley;apparently America had scored a perfect game and wanted to celebrate. Frankly she was sure he'd take any excuse for a wild party. The party was off the hook,to put it lightly. By midnight half the group was passed out drunk on the floor,and the other half was slowly getting there. Freya and France had decided to play a drinking game,but not with alcohol. Since Freya didn't drink,she had a different approach:whoever was the first to run to the bathroom won. However,there was a horrid,horrid catch involved. If Francis won,he would have to spend the weekend with Russia. And if Freya won,she would have to eat a meal cooked by England. From the time she arrived in the Hetalia universe,she realized firsthand the "unique" quality of the Brit's cooking. A shiver went through her,but she agreed to France's terms. And so the game began._

_At first it started with shotglasses,but as time went on,the two-litre pop bottles were employed. It was ten minutes to midnight. The still-conscious partyers were egging both players on to get them to crack. Freya glared at Alfred,who was holding up an empty bottle and pretending to swallow water while leaning back as far as he can. Across from her France squirmed. A small smirk appeared on her face. It was only a matter of time,she thought to herself. The pressure in her own system was building,however. She hadn't really noticed until now. _

_Two buckets of water were placed on the table. Two huge buckets,like the kind that ice cream was shipped in. An "ooooh!" rang out from the crowd. France cringed at the sight. Oh yeah,Freya thought. He's dead like the Holy Roman Empire. Ignoring her protesting bladder,she picked up the bucket and drank the entire thing in one go. When done,she placed it on the table. "Your turn,"she said. _

_Just then she-and France-noticed a plumber walking by. Their eyes went wide at the sign in his arms:_

_OUT OF ORDER_

"_Glad to see you,"the alley owner said. "What did you find in the washrooms?"_

"_I'm afraid I have to shut 'em down,"the plumber replied. "That badger infestation is really bad,and I'm afraid to go near them."_

_Freya and France looked at each other and cursed. There was no way they would be able to hold it until they got home,and the only other bathroom was for employees only. _

_Thus began a mad fight for the washrooms,an even madder fight with the badgers within and the disappointment of the partygoers. In the end it turned out to be a tie,which left the poor Freya to attend what was possibly her last meal and the perverted France to send a weekend in hell with Russia._

Arthur opened the door. He was wearing a frilly apron and holding a pot. "Come in!,"he smiled,and ushered Freya inside. "Would it be possible to get some help with the cooking? There are some steps I don't understand."

"Sure,"Freya shrugged. _I'm going to die anyway,I might as well make the most of it._

The two entered the kitchen. Freya's breath was taken away. The place was huge and filled with the most modern cooking equipment she'd ever seen! How the hell was he such a bad cook?!

"This..is amazing,"she whispered. "I know,right?,"England exclaimed. "I love cooking! It only makes sense that I should have fancy tools!"

The doorbell rang again,and England ran off to answer it. "Oh,that'll be Germany,"he called. "I'm thinking of forming an alliance with him."

Freya was left to further explore the kitchen. Her eyes fell to the counter,where an open book was laying. Beside it were jars of ingredients. The labels were faded,so she couldn't see what they contained. A strange substance was oozing out from the lid of one of the jars. Freya swiped her finger through it and tasted it. Almost immediately she felt like she was going to hurl. "What the heck!,"she gasped. "Is this blood?!"

She ripped off the lid from the jar and peered inside. It was indeed blood. Gagging,she leaned over the sink. As she stood there waiting for the inevitable,her eyes darted back to the book. On the page closest to her were some weird recipes calling for disgusting ingredients. Whatever the recipe was for,it definitely was not for human consumption. Reaching over,she shut the book. Her pupils dilated when she saw the cover.

This was no cookbook.

It was a spellbook.

"Is this...where he gets his recipes?,"Freya muttered.

Elsewhere...

Italy was doubled over in pain. "Japan,"he whined,"I don't feel so good. It's like something just killed my stomach."

"Hai,"Japan murmured,crawling under the blankets of his futon. "I feel it too. I don't know why but I never want to eat again."

The doors burst open and China walked in,holding his stomach. "I need antacids,"he cried.

Back at England's house,Freya felt she had to act. She grabbed the book and tossed it out the window. It landed in the bushes,where a mysterious gloved hand grabbed it. She then made a quick phone call. "Hello,Burnes and Nable?,"she said. "I need a cookbook,and fast!"

A few minutes later(after somehow managing to keep Arthur away from the door),she got the book and ran back to the kitchen. She left it open to an appetizing recipe for fish and chips and got out the bowls that would be needed. It was then that England returned and,deciding that he didn't need her help after all,shooed Freya out of the kitchen. She took her seat at the table,where Germany already waited. The two glared at each other. The mansion situation certainly hadn't done anything to boost their friendship.

"Freya."

"Ludwig."

Half an hour later,England returned with three large plates of fish and chips. Freya smirked to herself. Maybe now his reputation as a godawful chef would change. She didn't dare tell him about the switcheroo,though. She figured it would make him mad.

She put the fork in her mouth,and the smirk disappeared.

The next thing she knew,she woke up in the hospital. Germany was in the bed next to her. "Thank God you're both awake!,"England cried as he sat in the chair by her bed. "You took a bite from the food and passed out. The doctor said it was food poisoning!"

Freya just stared at him. "There is no way,"she whispered. "There is no bloody way that you could have screwed that recipe up. It was from an ACTUAL COOK BOOK!"

"Of course it was,"Arthur replied. Freya said nothing. In her mind,there was nothing that made sense to her in this situation. You look at the recipe,you follow the instructions. After England left,she was left to further ponder this. "How?!,"she cried aloud. "It just doesn't make sense! I threw out the spellbook and replaced it with an ordinary cookbook! No one could be that bad at cooking!"

"Some things,"Germany replied,"are just not meant to be explained."

Luckily they were only kept overnight and were let out of the hospital the next day. Germany returned home to find both his fellow Axis members,as well as China,dead,and really didn't know how to deal with this. So he just took the three bodies and buried them in the backyard. A drunk Prussia wandered through the area later...

After the weekend was over,Freya was sitting on the bench outside the World Summit building. She noticed France limping towards her,and almost burst out laughing at the sight of him. Both his arms and left leg were in casts,there were bruises all over his face,and he had various bald patches all over his head. Not to mention half of his beard had been shaved off.

"Je deteste vous,"he muttered angrily as he made his way towards the building. The door slammed into him and he was sent flying down the steps,landing on his back on the pavement below. "Oops,sorry,"England sang. "I didn't really want to go outside,I just saw you and gave in to temptation." He went back inside,leaving the frog writhing in pain on the concrete.

_Yep,I could really get used to this place_,Freya thought._ At least it's not boring._

_~Fin~_

* * *

A/N: It might be a bit short. Don't worry,I didn't (permanently)kill anyone off. As for the person who grabbed the spellbook,well,we might find out who later on.


End file.
